arrrrrrrrrrggggg..............

nothing to say for now!! but the only thing that i really wanna say out loudly is "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg......" feel like killing sum1.... SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!

Funeral~~

today should be the working day... but i dint go to work cus i've took leave from the boss to attend the funeral of my grandaunt... actly we can choose either go o not to go but i choose to go cus she is my only grandaunt n i'm one of the person who was there during the time my grandaunt pass away... i'm not her grandchild o her child n we r not really close at all, but no matter how she is still my aunt n she nvr being bad to us since us know her till now. as a respect to her i prefer to visit her n give her the last respect b for she've been bury. we've joining the wholde process of bury ceremony n during the cermony i've found out that there's lot of chinese taboo that i dont even know... one of that is during the bury ceremony the non direct family member will have to avoid to watch the whole ceremony and another is after present the flower non of us include his o her direct family r not allowed to look back to her grave they must just leave immediately... we did do what they told us not to do n during the time when we were on the way back one of my aunt told me i should change my bad attitude... i know n i always remember that cus there is sum1 told me bout these too n i do promised him that i will change... i do change but every time when i saw the stupid daughter0in-low of my grandaunt i cant control myself of keep thinking what she had did to my grandaunt during the time when she was sick n even when she was in the hospital too. in chinese taboo non of the direct family r allowed to use any accessories except sylver. but she dint even show any respect to my grandaunt cus she dint even take off all the jewelery. i hate her cus she nvr feel sorry to my grandaunt n why cant she at least show some respect to a person who's die n cant even argue with her anymore... i wont expect that she say any single worry words to my grandaunt of what she had done to her when she was still alive but y can she do it once when she dead?? is not hard for her to show it's not heavy for her to say a "sorry" words to my grandaunt to forgive her of what she had done.... i was really feel like walk infront of her n give her a slap n ask her to kneel down infront of my grandaunt dead body n say it laud infront of evey1 that she is sorry bu i dint do that cus i dont wan other ppl think that i dont respect my grandaunt....no matter how the only thing that i will say is "I will nvr forgive such kind of ppl", one day she will know how it fell n taste the same thing that she had done to my grandaunt.....

Day which i have no idea....

What's the point for human live in this world?? Surely there is not 1 knows the exact answer even though i am the 1 who asking the question but i have no answer too. But the only thing that cant be ignore is human's life is just like the blood circulation. We live when we were born, then we grown till finish study- working-married-got children, then we getting older-sick and finally die, after 1 die n another new life r born. Who knows what is that mean of?? no 1... the only thing that the new generation's human r only live for work cus of money to spend for the life style, married cus of child not cus of they really love each other (mean some) n wanna spend their time togather for the rest of their life, once married some can live happy ever after but some devorce n married again n devorce again, after married with children they work very hard to get moeny cus the expenses is too high n they need more money, when the child grown up they though they can relax for the rest of their life n go travel n enjoy but it only happen for particular ppl not all, who lucky sure can enjoy n realx but for the 1 who isnt lucky will have to live hard till the day n time they die..... Human have choice to choose the way to live: with money-happy-enjoy-relax-with family / without money-happy-enjoy-relax-with family / with money-realx-nt happy-no family / without money-unhappy-alnoe?? which 1 u choose?? money dosnt mean anything much, it only can use to full feel human's needs n wants it cant buy any family's happiness n family's love. live with what u've got now n dont expect too much which u cant do or forcing urself to do what u unwilling to do and just appreciate with what u have now dont regret when u lost it....
Grandaunt r gone these morning... the me which shud b go to work that time was asking permision form boss to be late to office cus i wanna visit her... is almost a year i nvr c her... sice she was sick till now only once i go visit her is after CNY 2008. how knows today my first visit of 2009 to her is my last visit. Time is 830am 07/01/09 with my 2 aunt n grandma to her house cus we just get to know that she had been sending home form hospital by his son. The first thing i saw when i reach there isnt my grandaunt but is my aunty-in-low which came out from the room n keep crying. The only word i can use to discribe is pitty... i was like OMG when i saw her cus she looks totally skinny n totally diff with her normal look i dont know that the sick really make her look lidat n her eyes was open n keep looking at the indonesian maid without moving her eye ball... when i walk near to her n tell her that i'm visiting her n call her "grandaunt" my tears was just coming with non stop. when grandma goes in she keep calling her "ah moi a u know that i m visiting u o not, i'm here to c u now do u know that?" n she cry at the sametime cus that is her only sister.... at the sametime when my grandma call her i saw she cry but she cant say anything she cant tell us that she know that we r there. her tears really make me feel like telling her that dont cry we all here love her n sayang her no matter how her daugther-in-low n grandsons treat her we all care bout her.... the time gone second by second n her breath b come slow n slow n slower... i keep looking at her when my aunt talk to her n tell her if she feel tired just sleep do worry too much everything will b all right once she finish her words grandaunt close her eyes with her last drop of tearse n she breath with more harder till she close her mouth n open again for the last time, i saw her breast stop moving n i knew that is time when aunt checking her heart beat i was holding her hand n try to find at least a heart beat but no cus when i touch her her hand was cold (time is 850am). give mom a call was the first things that appear in my mind to tell her the news n i cant control my tearse at all when i talk to mom... at the same time grandaunt's daugther was there when she saw that i'm cry she run to the room n she shout out that "ma, y dont u wait for me to come n c u?" she is the only daugther my grandaunt have n she is the only that really care bout her mother she dont care no matter how much she going to pay for her medical as long as they can save her mom. when the time we leave the house grandma's neice give her a hug but that makes grandma cry more n she said "there is no 1 that i can call n talk to anymore" n tell all of us that "we will have to grandaunt to call anymore in the future". she really sad n cry a lot both of them have only 1 sister n their husband gone quite early when grandma was boring she will find her to talk with we will joke n tlak lot withe her too... but it will onyl b come out memories.... just tell some1 that u love that "I LOVE U" dont b shy n dont hide cus u will regret for 1 day if u lost them... no matter they r u lover ur family o ur friend~~

nah nah nah!!

new year new starting!! still cant figure out what suppost to write in here but my mind keep telling myself that i shoud write somthing o upload some phot to into my blog since i create a new 1.. then the idea the processed out from my mind r just to upload the pic of mine since i start study in inti college till now!! just wanna show that is there any differencess within therse few years... hohohoh~~ and also few pic of me n my college buddy, even though we've graduated n have our own job but really missed the time when we were in KL having training even the time is short n the gathering time too!!

one is when i was a kids then just finish form five (which with chocolate on my face), 2nd year in inti (pic with black n white), after that is when i was at sibu bout five months ago and lastly now!! hohohoh.....

these pic was took quite longtime ago!! 1 was took when we were in KL celebrate Qi's 21st b'day, 1 was gathering b for i worked in Sibu, 1 was the day b for graduation n lastly was during the day of gradudation which took by Qi's sis... missed the time so much!! (T.T)~~~

New Year New Blog... JUst Leave the Old 1!!

Since it is new year then i've create a new blog for myself cus i will start sharing the journey of mylife with anyone who view my blig!! i m not good in writing even gramma is not good too!! hope so the person who read my blog cna understand what i'm trying to present n what i exactly mean of!! the only reason i wanted to creat a new blog is b cus of i wanna leave all the past behind (of course not include the happy time la!!) n starting the new life for myself n it can b also giving a chance for myslef again cus i've missed lot of things that i shudn't missed and lost a lot of chance an opportunity.. since i give myself a chance then why not u?? there isnt too late for us to try once n llive once again with whole new me!!